


Abominable Thoughts

by CoffeeSpice



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Blood, Blood and Gore, Body Horror, Cuddling, Eye Trauma, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Platonic Cuddling, Poisoning, Self-Harm, also yes this was a vent but im fine now, kind of, our boy v got some demons but he's trying, the nightmare scene was really fucked guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-08-14 04:55:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20186611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoffeeSpice/pseuds/CoffeeSpice
Summary: It was around 3:32 in the morning, all was dark and uncannily silent, when Virgil shot up from his sleep with a scream caught in his throat.[Analogical can be seen as platonic or romantic, though it is intended as romantic before the start of the relationship]





	Abominable Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS:  
GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS OF GORE  
STABBING I GUESS??  
NIGHTMARES  
SELF HARM  
SELF MUTILATION  
COULD BE DEPICTED AS A SUICIDE ATTEMPT??  
EYE TRAUMA  
IDK KIND OF BODY HORROR??  
POISONING (CYANIDE)
> 
> If I missed any please let me know!!  
Also I don't have a beta reader so there may be mistakes!

It was around 3:32 in the morning, all was dark and uncannily silent, when Virgil shot up from his sleep with a scream caught in his throat.

He was used to nightmares, but... Not ones like _that. _Never were they quite as disturbing, yet oddly appealing. It had felt _real. _He winced at the memory of the nightmare.

_…Virgil look between the knife and his left wrist hesitantly, no, he wasn’t going to cut. He wanted something much more. He closed his eyes as he brought the blade straight down into his wrist, not slicing, but **stabbing**_. _The joints and bones in the small area ached painfully as the former dark side pushed the knife further into his arm, blood was spirting out around it. After what felt like ages, but likely just a second, the tip of the blade poked out of the other side of his wrist. Virgil had purposely orientated the knife vertically, he didn’t want to cut his hand off, but he wasn’t quite done at that. Tears pricked into his eyes the moment he opened them, and he took a deep breath, yanking the knife all the way out as he exhaled. Immediately, warm crimson blood sprayed out, hitting him in his eyes. **Well than, I guess I know what to do now**_, _Virgil thought with gruesome excitement, though slight fear hit him as he recognized that feeling. Why was he happy about this? Oh well, he decided, it was time to move on. The blood had mostly affected his left eye, which of course meant that was what to go for next. At this point, blood had sprayed over everything near him. But that doesn’t matter now, Virgil thought as he brought the stained silverware up to his eye. Once again, he had a pang of fear. In a swift movement, he plunged the knife into his eye, aiming down as to avoid his brain. **Oh shit **he thought, regret bubbling up, just like the blood that was now flowing down his face, quickly mixing with the tears. He could feel it in places he had never even thought of before, the pain was dull, but almost unbearable. He couldn’t bring himself to pull it out, afraid his eye would come with._

_Virgil summoned another one this time, but he wasn’t going to use it just yet, no, he had something else in mind. After a moment of hard concentration, he summoned a bottle of pills- specifically cyanide. Before he could begin panicking again, he twisted the cap off and downed as much of the bottle he could in one go. He had to act fast, so he quickly threw aside the bottle and grabbed the newly summoned blade, and he thrusted it into his throat, already feeling his body starting to seize and tense. Blood was everywhere, his hands shaking hard along with the rest of his body as he stopped feeling like he was floating, and fear overcame him. His hand jerked down in a flinch, ripping the knife down along his throat before it slipped out. The edges of his vision were going dark, and he was quickly losing any strength he had left. Virgil’s vision blacked out completely as his back hit the bed, his short-lived fear calming. He felt tranquility right before he lost all consciousness._

Virgil sat where he was with a cold-sweat as he recalled the dream, only now noticing that tears had welled up in his _eyes. _At that realization, he quickly brought his hand up to his left eye. _No knife,_ he thought with a relieved sigh. God, he really didn’t trust himself right now, and while he would hate to bother anyone, especially at this time, he honestly couldn’t handle the thought of being alone after that, because _what if he can’t stop himself? _Virgil took in a deep breath before heaving himself off his bed. He went to his bathroom and looked in the mirror, trying to calm himself before going to one of the other sides. The other _light-sides, _he corrected himself, a small smile gracing his lips as he reminded himself that he was one of them now. The moment was short-lived, however, and he look one last glance at his left eye in the mirror before turning on the sink, splashing cool water over his face and grabbing a towel from the countertop to dry himself off. He paused for a bit, head in his hands and elbows resting on the counter. Virgil pushed himself off the counter, turning off the light as he left the room and entered the hallway. He knew that the only other side who might be up at this time was Logan, thankfully, Virgil had always found his presence very calming, but not too overwhelming either, which was exactly what he needed right now. He still had to be very quiet though, as the logical side’s room was right between Roman’s and Patton’s rooms. He stood in front of the door, wondering if this was really a good idea at all, hell, he didn’t even see any light under the door, Logan was probably sleeping. The fear of being alone at this moment was much stronger than his fear of waking anyone up though, so, while still rather hesitantly, he knocked on the door. Almost instantly there were footsteps heading to the door. The door opened to a quite tired looking Logan, and judging by the messy hair, lack of glasses and tie, and the fact that he was in an old NASA t-shirt and boxers, he had likely been asleep. “What seems to be the matter, Virgil?” He muttered with a yawn. Virgil suddenly felt like he should have just stayed in his room, “Oh- I, uh, sorry I didn’t- It’s nothing you can go back to sleep.” Logan gave him a quizzical look, and, sounding a bit more awake, said “I can tell it clearly isn’t nothing, considering there are rather obvious tear streaks. Come in, it’s okay if you’d rather not talk about it, but given that you do, I will listen.” Virgil crossed his arms unconsciously and avoided eye contact as he took a step into the room. “I- I’ll tell you what it was in the morning, can- can I just like, stay in here for the night or something? I just don’t want to be alone right now.”

Logan simply nodded and closed his door, then led Virgil over to his bed. At first, they just laid by each other, but after a few moments of this, the logical side put his arm around Virgil’s side, “Is this alright?” He whispered, pulling the other closer upon approval.

And that is how they fell asleep, cuddled together comfortably. Though it was quite the surprise to Patton, who had found them, cuddled up with Virgil’s head tucked into the crook of Logan’s neck, when he had come to wake up Logan.


End file.
